Losing My Life for Christ


Something stirred inside me just now telling me to revive my blog, so here I am.

Over the past few years, I’ve done nothing but agonize. Over everything. Decisions, people, opinions, my hair, my weight, just everything! I’ve turned situations over and over in my head trying to figure out what happened, what I should have done, what I could have done, especially what everyone else in the world should have done. The one thing I have failed to do each and every time is give my situation over to God. The Bible tells us so many times in so many different ways that if we just leave our problems in God’s hands, He will help us and give us everything we need. I make the same excuse every time. “I don’t know how.” But that’s silly, isn’t it? Really the only thing I have to do is pray about my situation, ask God to handle it, and stop thinking about it. Leave it ALONE. 

But I find that very difficult. And that’s why I almost started this post saying “Being a Christian is hard.”

Don’t get me wrong. Being a Christian is hard.  The Bible says the world is going to hate us and persecute us just because we believe in salvation through Jesus Christ. But I have created my own personal hell because I’ve been disobedient and refused to give my problems to God.

I regularly set down my cross and blame those around me, my depression, my childhood, really anything that’s not myself. I regularly minimize God’s power in my head and disregard all His promises because I prefer to wallow in self-pity, seek it from others, and just generally avoid changing because that will be hard and I’ll have to accept responsibility for my own actions.

I’ve literally spent my entire life running full speed away from anything that’s hard.

Let me tell you something. Running all your life is exhausting. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of making bad decisions. I’m tired of not using the self-control that God gave me. I’m tired of being a bad example. I don’t think I have led one single soul to Christ in my 21 years on this Earth and I’m ashamed of that. What am I doing with my life if not following God’s Great Commission? I’m tired of trying to rely on myself and my fellow man when that has failed EVERY SINGLE TIME!

God says that in Him we will find rest. That in Him we will find a peace that surpasses all understanding. I want to say I’m ready for that, but I know it’s going to take some work to change the way I’ve been doing things.

However, I have to do it. Because though it’s never been just about me, that holds even more true now. I have to be a good example.

The time for acting like a child as I so often have done is past.

It is now time to walk by faith, let trust be my first response instead of worry, pray fervently, study my Word without abandon, praise in every situation, allow God’s love to change my heart, encourage my fellow man, practice self-control, stand on the promises of God, place my problems in His hands, leave them there, let go of things I cannot control, live out the life that God has given me in the fullest way possible, and in the process, lead many people to God.

I’m thankful for second (and thousandth) chances and a God who has promised to never give up on me, despite my issues.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”” Matthew 16:24-25

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